Did not make the hand pose

The weird hand posture..reckoned it was I reaching for the camera before my fingers performed the single click on it completely. Trust that the last thing I had in mind was to pout them lips, paint them red and wink flirtatiously at the zoomed lens. That would be one hell of a revolution for this humble site..realized I had been updating a little too much lately, trying to insert a picture here and there now and then to keep things interesting and your attention engaged..hopefully. Then and again there is nothing more relaxing than a rainy day spent at home, enjoyed with greasy hair and a clean face to boot.

Relationship dissected

My hand gripped the cellphone tightly as I laid awake in bed at four a.m. The fan on the ceiling spun fast and I stared at it blankly..just one of those nights when I overthink and might have even said things I would be regretting the very next morning. I tried hard keeping my blog as personal as it was impersonal..not that I was ever fond of elaborating about every fight I had had with Thomas, also not promoting ourselves as a walking poster for the world's merriest couple. But here is a thought and in this disapproving hour, there is no one to hear me out - nearly two years since we decided to try our luck and got acquainted as though we were fated to love and be loved by each other for the rest of our lives. Happy to get through the day as long as we were together..not having a care for the outside world, so sure I was of our future together. Finished each other's sentences, agreeing to his every point of view because I loved him so much there was no reason for me to disagree. Recalling the past and complicating most of the things which come across my mind..how Thomas would respond to it usually. Personally it was rather difficult to accept that the time we spend together, alone, bonding, singing to High School Musicals, laughing over pizza deliveries and dancing and making a fool out of myself ceased. I thought we had outgrown each other..that I no longer needed him as much as I did and that the relationship was bound to fade and we would have to part ways. For a period of time, I made many desperate attempts to try and rekindle the past..months, actually and yes it embarrassed me to have to admit so. To be honest, it was only twenty minutes ago when I decided it was time I stop holding onto the said happy phase and to let go..subsequently moving on to living with what we have established now..with minimum complaints. I'd like to not think that the feelings we have for each other has weakened now..but that after a year of being in our own joyride bubble we should finally have the time to pursue our hobbies, for friends and family above everything else. Not spending every living second together as though we owe it to the relationship..as an obligation or whatnot. As optimistic I may sound from all these that I have typed..I may only be convincing myself regarding the clarity of my self-perceived facts. But boy, do I wish for things to return to how they once were..I can only wait but I'm done waiting.

On a totally unrelated note, the picture was taken with my cellphone. It was I without makeup and I could whine about how bad I look..but you and I must know there was no way I would post it here if I didn't think it look good.

Bedroom dipped in purple

This rainy evening I spent lounging in bed with the boyfriend..and his brother but please not be weirded out by the idea of it. We streamed and watched Paranormal Activity..rumpled sheets, screamed, squeezed pillows, squeezed our eyes shut. So sure I were that the movie was edited from real home videos..imagine my disappointment when Thomas told me twenty minutes ago that both leads were alive and doing interviews for the Internet. But it was one sick movie..sick! Got a copy of Death Race on blu-ray and here I am watching it with dad as dessert upon finishing dinner a couple of hours ago. Jason Statham..that body, that voice. It never gets old.

Forgive me for the pictures..felt rather artistic but amateurish despite my interest for photography. I'd rather pose for it any day. Thank you boyfriend for that's one of the many we have in common now.

Sunnies after shower

One of those moments..when there's no way I would let all that leftover foundation go to waste. Always, always have a little play with your camera and your cheap pair of Forever 21 aviators when your eye makeup is running and the bathroom's light brighter than usual. These images were doctored..you'd be surprised to see how I actually look like now in my oversized granny tee..that ninja turtle piece I won by eating a lot of pizzas.

So Theo wouldn't answer my call..I discovered some interesting gossip online..essentially I need to call someone and tell him my finding for fear I wouldn't remember tomorrow morning. And today's my best friend birthday. In less than 12 hours my mom leaves for Singapore, I need to repaint my chipped nails, my dog needs a bath..wow.

Bed. Ta.

Fullhouse

Amazes me still how them brothers made these beautiful shots only by using my humble compact camera. Nothing short of an enjoyable day..catching up during daytime whilst trying to absorb all that was delivered by the lecturer and a pleasant luncheon at Fullhouse with my favorite boys, also absorbing the white surrounding. The crowd was cheerful..noisy, too powerful for the low sound of Asian music played on the speakers. Often I received disapproving stares for the height of my heels. I'm too spoiled as a girlfriend.

Love and always,

my favorite photographer.

Wednesday rambles

I spoiled myself way too much last month when I slept in and woke up only when the afternoon was hours before. And it has, as predicted by my mom, turned into a vicious cycle..one which left me constantly feeling like a zombie in daylight, since earlier this week when I was determined to make things right again. Decided it was best that I stayed home and do some catching up with studies today but it was such a pain forcing myself to lift the eye mask off my face before noon..but this has got to stop. Only 6 hours of staying conscious without succumbing to temptation in the form of a lazy afternoon nap with it raining outside my bedroom window, I'm (or I'd like to think I do) feeling exhausted inside out, demotivated to start studying after a month of feeling hopeful and subsequently sulking and feeling much like a loser. Said negativities are most probably induced by the rain and the sun which in turn induced my ongoing sleep hangover. So bright the sun shone when I greeted mom over lunch (sorry, tried my best) and the rain poured so hard later in the evening that the wind knocked over a couple of dad's plants off the wall. The loud sound was rather terrifying and this close to hurting my ears but that certainly did not stop my golden pup from rushing to the shattered clay pot's side, attempting to savor the taste of the nearest (and also biggest!) chunk laying on the floor. Spent a good fifteen minutes communicating with him to make my point that a biscuit was tastier.

One word, exhausted. Two words, coffee fix! Three words, that fat dog. Many words, hovering Thomas when he is in an intense game of basketball with CPU-controlled NBA players on the television, though I will be ignored until the match ends..sounds pretty darn good now.

And here I am, in the middle of a heated discussion with my sister on messenger who has her eyes set on my Playstation..and despite how glad dad would be to get her a new one for birthday, she is refusing everything new but mine. I don't understand how inflicting such pain on me is satisfying to her.

Has this blog gotten a little more personal since I emptied the archive?